My girlfriend, her daughter, and myself along with two other couples booked a three room suite at Kalahari Bay for new years weekend.  It cost us about $600 per couple which is pretty pricey for a two night stay anywhere.  I knew we were going to have a good time and we did but the customer service at Kalahari Bay sucked a**.  First off, when we got there on Friday our room was not ready so we left all of our stuff in the car and went to the park to ride some of the water rides. 

The park is pretty cool.  It has two body slides, two tube slides, a lazy river, a big tube ride, a roller coaster/water ride that is pretty unique, several hot tubs, a large kid area with more slides, several water basketball hoops, and a pretty cool surfing/body boarding ride.  We had a lot of fun in the park and I think we rode everything you could.  I would definately recommend the park to anyone but I would definately not stay at the hotel.

When we were notified that our room was ready, I proceeded to load my SUV up with everyones stuff and drive up to the load/unload area.  This is where all hell broke loose.  Kalahari says that they have almost 600 rooms in their resort.  The problem is they have one f&%cking door!  This same door is used for valet parking, loading/unloading, pedestrian crosswalk, deliveries, etc.  I wish I could meet the person who came up with this design so I could punch him or her in the face.  I didn't go to school to be an architect or anything but I can tell you that I would have not designed a resort like this.  It was chaos with everyone trying to check in, check out, park etc.  Everyone was in a bad mood.  To top things off, they have about 10 luggage carts and everyone was trying to get one.  We had to make two trips with our groceries and alcohol up to the room by hand before we got a hold of some luggage carts.  That was a bitch as well cause apparently they only have three elevators in this joint and each trip was about a mile long, no joke.

After that sh1ty experience, we wanted to get a cabana for the next day to set our stuff in.  We were told about three different answers about the cabanas from three different people at the resort.  It seemed like no one that worked there knew what the hell was going on.  My girlfriend was talking with some girl that worked there and the whole time, the employee never took the god damn sucker out of her mouth while she was talking with my girlfriend.  Thats service!

The next day I decided I was going to go on the surfing ride since the line was somewhat small.  The ride was really cool but it blew both of my contacts out.  Of course I did not bring any extra and I am blind as a bat.  It was bugging me that I could not see so I decided to run home and get some more since it was early in the day.  So if you saw a black Dodge Durango on the Ohio turnpike on new years eve driving like a bat out of hell, that was just blind old me.

Anyway, that night after I got back, we wanted to get some pizza for dinner.  The resort has a pizza place but it was $20 for a large so we called some places for delivery.  We started with Marcos but they said that they would not deliver there because the people that work there are very rude.  We called the conceirge to get some recomendations.  He recommended Chet and Matt's pizza.  We called there and order our five pizzas.  We went down to get them from him as he drove up to the one door.  The whole time we were talking with him, there was some security wanna be from Kalahari behind us staring.  After we got the pizzas and started to walk away, the security guy started questioning the delivery guy about what comapny he was from, etc.  They need to rename the place from Kalahari resort to Kalahari Communist park.  That was rediculous.  Let your paying customers get pizza from whomever they want.  But if you are ever in Sandusy, OH and want some pizza, I would highly recommend Chet and Matts.  It was very good pizza and they delivered very fast.  They knew they were going to get harrassed by the “man” but they delivered anyway.  Kalahari should call them up and get some pointers about customer service.

The next day it was time to leave, I knew it was going to be chaos again but it was ten times worse since everyone in the whole god damn resort was trying to sqeeze out the one door again.  We ordered a luggage cart at 10:30 from guest services since checkout was at 11:00.  We packed all our stuff up and waited until 11:30 for the cart which surprisingly never showed up.  I said f&%ck it and went down to get the car.  I was not surprised to see a line of twenty cars waiting to load.  I blew by all of them and cut in front of them at the valet line.  The same god damn wanna be security/valet/napolean complex guy stopped me and said that I needed to go around the circle again and get back in line.  I said ok, drove off and stole a loading/unloading parking spot.  I was not waiting in line for that again.  He tried to stop me when I went in the resort and said that I had to move my vehicle or he would tow it.  I said go ahead but find me the idiot that said it would be cool to have just one door and 2000 people go through it at the same time.  Again, no cart and four miles to walk to get our car loaded.  When we were leaving, they said that they hope we come back.  I told them I would if they get another door built.

So that was my story.  Bottom line, water park cool, “resort” sucked a**.  They are currently adding on to the resort.  I hope they save some of that money and get another door, more luggage carts, and hire someone to take care of the cusomer service.  There were a lot of complaints that I heard from other guests as well.  When you drop almost 2000 dollars, you should at least get a comment card to ask how your stay was.  They apparently don't care about that.